A precious gift
In November 17 yeas ago my body and life changed in a way that I had previously not imagined it would and it has shaped my life in many ways ever since. I originally wrote and posted this eight years ago, but it’s still very relevant, so I have decided to share it again.
Something happened to me recently that I can only describe as a precious gift in disguise. It came to me in the form of a wake-up call and a reminder of how easy it is to take things for granted, especially health, and carry on with life without fully paying attention. Our life and health is a such a wonderful gift and most of us take it for granted, until something goes wrong.
This month, it is exactly nine years since I had a mastectomy and reconstruction after being diagnosed with breast cancer. Although I got my cancer diagnosis at a relatively young age, I have always considered myself very lucky as it was detected early and my prognosis was very good. I have been for regular check-ups ever since, and as the years go by, the cancer feels more and more like a distant memory and sometimes, almost as if it didn’t happen at all.
Over the past nine years I have made a lot of changes. I have changed my career and general outlook on life. I have changed my diet, the way I train, exercise and manage my stress levels, and I even spend a big part of my working life helping people stay well and healthy.
These changes came as a natural reaction to my experience; it didn’t feel right to just carry on as I had before. I wanted to have a fairly clear conscious in case the cancer ever came back, so I could tell myself that at least I had tried my very best to look after myself, something that I hadn’t always done in the past.
So what’s different now you may say? Well, the longer I stay well, the more and more I begin to take life and my good health for granted, just like before, and that would mean that I hadn’t really learnt from my experience.
We women are always encouraged to be ‘breast aware’ i.e. to feel and notice if anything changes, but to be perfectly honest how many of us do that on a regular basis? You might think that someone like myself, who has had breast cancer, would be more ‘breast aware’ but the answer is no.
As with everything, I did check myself more regularly in the beginning, but not as often any more, so it was more a less a surprise when I felt something that I hadn’t felt before. It was on my ‘good’ side, not where I’ve had the surgery. I had to double check a few times, and yes, I could definitely feel something that I am sure wasn’t there before.
My mind started to race. What if the cancer had come back on the other side? This happened during the weekend and there was nothing that I could do about it there and then. I made a conscious decision not to worry about it too much and go and enjoy the day as I had planned. The following day I would call my consultant and bring forward my annual check-up, which was due this month anyway.
I was lucky to get a cancellation appointment a few days later so I didn’t have to wait long. During this time, I tried to convince myself that everything would be fine and there was nothing to worry about. If anything was wrong, then it would still be fine as I’d probably detected it early, just like the last time. I had even planned to call a friend and ask to meet up for a celebratory coffee after my appointment. Well, I did make that call, but it wasn’t to celebrate, but to have someone to talk to and keep my mind off what the consultant had confirmed; that I was right, something didn’t feel as it should and it needed further investigation. Saying that, it didn’t necessary mean that anything was wrong.
Rather than face a possible two-week wait to be seen at my local hospital, I decided to pay and returned early that evening for an ultrasound scan. The rest of the day went by in what I can only describe as a surreal blur and an emotional void, but at the same time, I felt strangely calm and peaceful and deep down, I knew that things would be fine in one way or another.
Fast forward to early evening and I can’t even begin to describe the feeling of utter relief and happiness I experienced as I walked out of the clinic with the words of the doctor who had performed my scan still sounding in my head. “It all looks fine. I don’t think you need to worry about anything. What you felt is most likely a small crease in the implant, the tissue around it looks fine. You need to keep an eye on it and come back if anything changes.”
In everything that we experience in life there is always an opportunity for us to learn, grow and develop. Even though this has been a very emotional experience, I feel that I have actually been given a precious gift, a gift in the form of a reminder not to take anything for granted, to make the most of the gift of life and health and look after it with the love and care that it deserves.
Gunilla x
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